I did everything for others, but not for myself

What am I doing in my life now?

First of all, I don’t think I will really survive in this frugal, third-world life. Within this case scenario, I would wish to commit suicide for no apparent reason. I don’t think my life would be that good, and I will always tell them that I’m OK. However, they did not realize that I’m NOT even okay with these neck-choking expectations.

How I wish I was rather dead, or being in some other country right now. Nobody really wants to listen to me because they really find it weird, and yet, there are reasons why I feel very bad today.

I feel pessimistic from the day when I lose my pride.

I hate myself for exerting too much pride, which lead me to a certain incident that banged me.

Nobody will understand what I have been through, nobody listens, nobody believed me, because they’re expecting me to be a people person, if in fact, I’m not. Why pressure me to be one of these people? I don’t trust anyone at all. I have no idea why, but the pressure is in my hands.

I thought of filing for a leave of absence due to the fact that I don’t really want to interact with my current batchmates. The only reason why I cannot afford to do so is because they might question me whether I’m too lazy studying or something else… but truth is, I’m not a people person, and I’m even more close to these people who are “outside” the community.

Now I have posted things about the things that I’ve done that are actually against my will, it’s all thanks to these hypocrites. Go practice what you preach, since I have found my life’s purpose. Kidding.

Now why the hell are they imposing the structured norms to me? Nobody will understand that I’d love to continue where I am now, but right now, I don’t think that this path is REALLY for me. I would have been happier if I shifted and knew what my true forte is. They didn’t believe me, because they want “what’s best” for me. Not everything you desire for your child is always for their own good.


Right now, I am still in the confused stage. Again, they do not understand what’s in me. That’s it.


Rudeness is not allowed

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