Got this from the Thought Catalogue! Dōmo arigatō gozaimasu! Vielen sehr dank!
Well, it’s like a slap on the face when you’re talking about dating an immature guy… when some people out there just prayed for it, and it eventually came true.
These sentiments come from personal experience. If you are reading “Spacious Hostility,” it’s a story about a girl who was deceived by a rich guy whose goal is to just have a girlfriend, or a wife–just for him to fit in his family. Period.
1. You’re his first real relationship. He had a girlfriend or two in high school, but hasn’t dated since. If you’re his first girlfriend in the “real world” you’re probably going to have to teach him a few basics. The only thing he has to compare this relationship to are the hormone and puberty induced ones he had when he was seventeen. In his head, when things get rough you’re going to act like his psychotic high school girlfriend, and he’s going to treat you as such. Bottom line: if you’re his first real girlfriend, you’re going to have to teach him a lot, and most of that will be the difference between girls and women.
If the guy has plans to have you as his girlfriend, ask yourself: Is he really the one for me, or is it because he said so? For one, some guys will just give compliments to a girl/woman mainly because they’re either forever single OR maybe because he wants to fit in his family or his peers on being in a relationship. But I tell you, being in a relationship takes a lot of compromise–it’s like a mutual agreement between two parties, just like Japan-Philippines bilateral relations, speaking of politics and economics. It’s a good thing that bilateral relations between Japan and the Philippines is working just fine, which is something to be proud of.
Relationships are expected to be the same with bilateral relations. The guy should be the one to treat his girl like a princess, NOT some personal assistant or some domestic helper out there.
2. He doesn’t know how to communicate. Communication is key to any relationship. There are going to be confrontations, fights, and near-breakups, but how these are handled are what determines if the couple is going to make it or not. If your boy/man-child isn’t willing to listen to you, or he readily dismisses your feelings, he’s not mature enough to be with you in the long run.
This is one problem when the guy is super-dependent to his family. In other words, he’s a stereotypical mama’s boy. For some reason, people like them act like a diva or someone who thinks that he’s the KING of everything. For him, you are not a priority besides his own feelings. He also thinks that you should suffer doing this by yourself even though he’s saying that he’s your knight in a shining armor.
3. He loves his pride more than the relationship. There is a certain amount of give and take in relationships, and a ton of choosing your battles. If your man loves being right more than he loves you, he’s no man at all—he’s just a stubborn boy. Everyone has to swallow their pride at some point, and boys aren’t willing to do this yet.
Dating an ego-istic, self-centered BOY does not help, either. Usually, MEN offer their shoes to a girl whenever the girl’s heels are damn broken. Also, the guy often pays for her meals, her shopping items, and a lot more, which BOYS cannot even observe. Prideful guys possess a diva attitude, and will often treat you more like a maid/personal assistant/slave/servant rather than a princess, while REAL MEN treat you like his queen. I ain’t kidding, either. Most of these BOYS do not practice what they preach–they appear strong on the outside, but they’re realistically WEAK on the inside.
4. He doesn’t own his flaws. This one is about placing blame, and when something happens in a relationship it’s hardly ever just one person’s fault. If you’re willing to accept what you did wrong, and he isn’t, he essentially thinks he’s always right. Not only is that immature, it’s egotistical. Double-whammy.
In other words, he is blaming you simply because you’re the one who is at fault–for him, but technically-speaking, it was simply a technical error–be it at home, school, or some other place. Dudes who do not swallow their pride are the ones who STEP into other people’s pride. I believe each person has his/her own sense of pride, and it may be executed for good or for bad, but in this case, it is executed for the BAD. It takes a lot of maturity and self-realization to swallow your pride, but BOYS who cannot do so often brag about their “good looks” and “intelligence” while people who are really handsome and truly intelligent never needed to brag those traits.
And please–people who were really vieux riche do not need to brag that they’re damn fucking rich! Just because you are the grandson of a famous tycoon does not mean you’re going to proclaim that you’re actually the son of Bill Gates. Who knows, people will simply don’t give a fuck about your whining.
Overall, egoism is just fucking dimwitted. Some word of advice: Don’t give them more compliments. They’ll just become even more arrogant like hell.
5. He doesn’t want to be depended on. When shit hits the fan, he’s nowhere to be seen. You might get some sympathy from him, but he puts minimal effort into being the person you can rely on. This is because immature boys retreat when things are too difficult for them. Simply put: men are strong, boys are weak.
Rather, these BOYS show how dependent they are to the girl they like. They make the girl his personal assistant, maid, bodyguard, but when the girl is calling for help, he will just make excuses that he’s too busy and whatnot; but at the end of the day, he’s simply being egoistic and does not have the balls to help you out. Rather, he’s a certified people USER as a form of increasing his level of faux pride at the expense of other people. If he is rather a hindrance to your life rather than an asset, then you have the right to leave him.
6. You’re his girlfriend when it’s convenient for him. You had plans for a nice weekend together? Too bad something else came up and he bailed on you. Sometimes, nothing at all comes up, but he just can’t be bothered and would rather sleep in that day. Men are committed to a relationship and put you before themselves at least some of the time. Boys do whatever they want despite you.
He is only making you his girlfriend just because, like what I have said, he has always been looking for a girlfriend who will just become a personal assistant to him rather than a real girlfriend. Well, since I have also said that he’s user-friendly, he’s making you a mere decoration of his life rather than a MEMBER of his “friends list.” In other words, this guy has a bleak future if he’s going to marry someone.
Most dudes who do this have a high chance of being womanizers. Goodness gracious! They’re just using girls just to fit in. Worse, they tolerate guys who flings with more than one girl–in other words, for them, this defines their social status.
7. He gets lazy. He stopped putting in effort months ago. You no longer get the cute texts you use to screen-shot. You have to fish for compliments because he doesn’t offer them up anymore. And “just-because” phone calls are so few and far-between you begin to doubt their existence all together.
Well, the way they give compliments towards a girl is just like how scammers fool people. Want more proof? Just read “Spacious Hostility” and wait for the next chapter.
He does not put effort on you unless you’re going to ask him out. He’s only putting effort on his public image, not on you.
8. He’s a hypocrite. Remember when he got mad at you because you texted him “K” that one time? Now he does it when he’s upset just to spite you. All those things you swore never to do again, and he can’t see the irony in the doing them exactly the same way.
This is the number one thing to watch out for. They don’t actually practice what they preach–in other words, they just love to show off themselves just to fit in society. He just wants more and more compliments just to clean his image–and to please everyone. Another thing, if they really love you, they should shut their mouth if they have nothing good to say on another person–in other words, rather than bringing peace and harmony into your life, they bring chaos later on. I tell you, guys who think they bring peace and harmony are often troublemakers.
9. He has no ambition. He’s really unhappy with ___________, but won’t make any steps to fix it. I don’t think every man needs to know what he wants to be in life, but a lack of motivation in his personal life will definitely transfer over to your relationship.
In other words, he does not set an example towards you. REAL MEN set an example towards women, and become role models, while BOYS–don’t. If he’s going to tell you that you have to do this one next time, then they get the karma much worse than you do. As a matter of fact, they don’t even know how it is to achieve something (e.g., graduating with or without awards).
10. Instead of breaking up with you, he’ll be a jerk until you break up with him. This is something only a spineless boy does. When the relationship reaches its expiration date, instead of being honest about it with you, he’d rather be an asshat until you leave him. Thus, he doesn’t have to be the bad guy, and you’re the one stuck doing his dirty work.
Be direct to him when you want to leave him. It’s better to forget about him if he has stepped into your pride. Good Lord, he does not deserve you. Snub him when it’s needed. It’s the only way for you to prove that you don’t need or want him anymore. After all, he’s unwanted by society’s standards.
Lastly, #REALTALK: If we’re being hostile towards them, let it be. After all, we’re just proving that we no longer need or want them anymore. In other words, we should aim for someone who is like an oppa figure to all of us. If an immature guy will simply step into our pride, then LEAVE HIM.